What have i become?

It's been a very long time since I last wrote on my blog, i know that I'm not some fancy blog writer, I know that i rarely even write blogs, I don't have any idea why I even started writing blogs, maybe it's because it's the only place where I can express my true feeling about the world, about the people around me, about the things I do, about the things I love or hate, or even about my life. Heh, but who cares, nobody even reads it, technically, when I write on my blog, it acts as a dream catcher, more like a memory catcher, it holds my memory from since when I started writing it. When i write a blog post, it's like expressing everything i have kept in my heart, everything that has been hidden from my true personality. If anyone of you who knows me, or had ever been my friend once, or even those who've just met me, most of you guys would probably be surprised if I told you that I'm actually a two faced person. That's true, I hide my feelings so that people wouldn't know my true personality, I always hold grudge on people that hates me but I never truly express my hate because I know one day, that particular reason for people hating me, is just going to die in the past.

Ever since I study in Melbourne, Australia, I met many new friends, most of them are Asians, we all do know how Asians are. Whenever I meet up with my friends, I will always put on a "Mask of Shame" which i named it myself, so that I can hide my true personality. I'll always act rude, and pushy and indecisive just to let them know that I'm not that kind of person whose inside is a totally different person. I want to show them that what I choose is right for me, which most of the times turn out wrong. I'll always get comments like "Das, your cooking suck!", "Man you fail", "You shouldn't even study in Monash, wasting your parents' money", and I'll be like laughing at those comments, taking those as jokes, but when i return to my room, where I'm safe to put away the "Mask of Shame", it's the time when I know how the real world is, it's not like what it's said in the TV, it's not like what it's said from the newspaper, this world, is yet cruel, and nonetheless, it's cruel not only to me, it's cruel to others too, that is the only reason for it to be fair.

It seems that I'm not ready to face the world with my current situation, it seems that I have no guts to face the world with my true self, I will have to carry around the "Mask of Shame" wherever I go, it's the only thing that keeps going on, that gives me the strength to find out the truth behind what's untold, that reveals the world's biggest secrets, that shows me what's my purpose of living, that gives me the strength to be me. No one would ever read my post anyways, even those who read will think I'm a selfish self-minded person who does not deserve to live, who does not deserve to be friends with, well let me tell you one thing, you don't know me and you will never know, because I will only reveal my true self when nobody is around me, you can judge me however you want, you can hold a grudge on me, you can hate me, ignore me, even thinking that I don't exist, but I will still be this way as always, nothing can change me, not until I have found my purpose of living. I know I'm not the only person in this world that lives in other's shadows, I'm not the only one who's trying to hide 'tis true personality, to be safe from the painful truth, so if anyone of you out there who reads this, I understand what you've been through, but I cant judge you for I have not seen your true personality, but if you do think that even you have the slightest similarity with my situation, just don't make the same mistake that I've made.

-poke- ~.^v

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The Life We Used To Live

If you tell your friends that "True Friends are like Diamonds;Precious and Rare, Fake Friends are like Fallen Leaves;Everywhere to be found", then you tell them that they are the fallen leaves and compared the numbers of Diamonds to Fallen Leaves with the ratio of 1:100, do you think they care?
Will they change? Will they improve? Will they for a change, think for us?
We used to live as a free swine on earth, we used to have our own dignities, our own lives and our own problems. Can we still put all aside and live the way we used to live?
What if the world doesn't contain fallen leaves? What if the world achieved it's final stage? What if the world is under domination? What if the government are too coward to fight for freedom? What if we unite? Will the world change?
It's time to fight for mankind! It's time to own ownage! It's time to solve unsolved problems! It's time to save the world!

Being Persistent

Sometimes in life, when you fail, and when you feel like you don't have the strength to get back up, do you think yopu have hope? Cause i tell you, i'm down here, face down, and if i have no strength or faith, it should be impossible for me to get up. But if i try 100 times to get up, and if i fail 100 times, if i fail and i give up, do you think i'm ever gonna get up? No! But if i try again and again and again, i just want you to know it's not the end. It matters how you ever finish. Are you gonna finish strong? Then at that moment, you'll fine the strength to get back up. So we shouldn't give up easily when we're facing problems in our lives.

Persistent

When Night Falls Upon Us

I sit here watching the twinkle of the stars, the full moon in its beauty, in the cool night breeze; A feeling so strong, yet said very less, an emotion that whirls around like a tornado, but expressed not even a whisper.
As the gentle breeze tried to play a lullaby, my eyes just refused to pay heed, drowned in thoughts of you, my mind was as fresh as it can be; All these times, all those moments, i can’t believe how i let go, i can’t understand why i didn’t say what my heart was crying out loud.
I’m always thinking of you, thinking of expressing myself, but my words when I look at you, when i speak with you; It always ends up to one thing, I just can’t think of the right words to say.
If only the wind could carry the unrevealed emotions that my heart is crying out every night,i would send it as my messenger right away!
Should I tell you how awful it feels giving off our time alone, don’t you feel the pain when you're with me?
Sometimes life can be deceiving, I’ll tell you one thing, it’s always better when we’re together, promises, i dont make of the riches and wealth, all i have and all that i can give you is my love for as long as i am alive, to cement our future, to make our dreams come true, i'm a passionate guy, a man of his words.

•Secrets•

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess

'Til all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw me wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
I'm sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

My God, amazing how we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
Who's driving shiny big black cars
And everyday I see the news
All the problems that we could solve

And when a situation rises
Just write it into an album
Singing straight, too cold
I don't really like my flow, no, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
I'm sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

Oh, got no reason, got not shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
I'ma tell you everything

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
I'm sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

So Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
I'm sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
All my secrets away, all my secrets away

Alone in the world

Coming out of the shadows of the past and reaching to the light that is now shining in its glory, i realized i am standing all alone, with the whole world at my disposal; i searched, i needed somebody to continue the exploration, or so i thought; how naive and so dumb one can become; wasting precious time doing nothing other than wandering through life, i became more confused than before; unable to run anymore, i sat down and i realized i got me, myself and i; learned a lot along the way, and now my very own best friend, exploring uncharted territories; me myself and i, that’s all i got in the end, that’s what i found out me, myself and i.
δαψιεη